Bitch Plz (or, How You Can’t Outcreep This Creeper)

Alright guys, so I’m going to take a time out from cooking my midnight second supper of scrambled eggs, turkey sausage, and chocolate chip cookies to make my first official “Memoirs of a Guild Master” post. Because not too long ago, my friends, I had one of those encounters in game that was just the epitome of whatthefuckery.

About two weeks ago, our Sith raid group decided to just up and leave the guild. Okay, whatever, if you feel like we’re not providing you the environment you need to succeed and be happy, that’s fine – I just want you to be an adult about it and preferably talk to me. This is pretty much a story in its own right (I’ll have a later post, Insurrections And How I Put Down Traitorous Bitches, dedicated to it) but to cut it short, they all /gquit mid day after looting the guild bank. Super fucking classy, right?

They all wound up joining the guild of a hunter they’d been trying to recruit to our guild. Today, out of nowhere, I got a message from that GM from his alt – telling me that he was sorry he believed the lies they were spreading about me, and now he realized how scummy they really were and he’d gotten rid of them. Now, you guys know there’s nothing that invigorates me more than learning misfortune has fallen someone I feel has wronged me. Sometimes I even get a kick out of helping this along by talking about them to new guilds they attempt to join. Woot! But this… this is not even the story that prompted this specific Memoir post.

No… it’s what happened afterwards. See, I wound up joining that GM in his vent so he could fill me in on what had happened to make him give those guys the boot. And part of the story was that they’d said some really rude things to his wife, who was raiding with them. I sympathized, we chuckled and bonded at over how bad they were, and I departed on my merry way. About an hour later, a random person in dude’s guild messaged me to ask if I had him on real id and if he was online. I /who’d the guild and saw he was still on his alt, so shot him a message to tell him so-and-so was looking for him, and responded to the random person with “Aren’t you in his guild?”

Yeah, so dude messages me back with “That’s my wife. She saw me in vent with another woman and is suspicious.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

I immediately responded with a “lol, that’s some shit I ain’t getting involved in,” to which he retorted “she’s protective. Just tell her the truth.”

Okay, guy. Your wife is sneaking around your back quizzing me to see if we might have kindled some sort of relationship in the 5 minutes we commiserated about fail players together, and 1) you think it’s cute and 2) you either haven’t eased her fears by explaining what happened or 3) your relationship isn’t trusting enough for her to believe you.

Seriously. This is the kind of shit I get. So I messaged wifey-poo back with something along the lines of “Aren’t you dude’s wife? Don’t think I’m creepin on your hubby, we were just chatting about asshole’s actions in our guilds. I never even talked to him before today and I certainly haven’t real id’d a stranger… not to mention I’m happily married,” and she tried to play it off like she wanted to ask me about what happened and she just didn’t know if I was the person he’d been talking to. Meanwhile dude is telling me that his wife is just insecure and needs to be reassured he’s not having an illicit relationship with another female guild master. And she had no idea he was trying to feed me stuff to say to her.

Guys, I could not make up this shit if I tried. I am starting to think that me and Canadian Bacon have the only normal relationship of any gamers I know. You know what happens when he’s talking to someone in vent and I don’t know who it is? I look over at his screen at the name, punch his shoulder and say “Hey, who’s that?” Sometimes I might even go so far as to jump in vent and get involved in the conversation. And you can be damned sure I’ve never tried some weird convoluted games like messaging the person he was just talking to ask if he’s on their real id because I’m trying to find him when he’s still logged onto his damn toon in the guild with me. Good lord.

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One Comment

  1. Hahahaha!!! That’s friggin’ hilarious! Drama was the only thing I hated about guild life. Oh, that and “can you run me through –such and such– a hundred times to infinity? Oh, you will…great! Now, I’ll stalk you every time you log on and ask the same.” LOL

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