DessertRecipes

Keto Miracle Pie

This winter, I started hankering for a cheesecake.  I have a really good NY-Style Cheesecake recipe already, but let’s be real, making cheesecakes is kind of a pain in the ass.  You’ve got to cook them really carefully, you’ve got to break out the springform pan, and then those bitches gotta cool off in the oven for foreeeeever before you can even throw them in the fridge.  I wanted a cheesecake and I wanted it right then!  So I decided to try my hand at something I’d considered blasphemous before: a no-bake cheesecake.  They’re never as good, right?

But they’re easy, and that’s the key.  I modified my Cheesecake Fluff recipe a bit, to be more dense and less… fluffy… and decided I wanted a fruity cheesecake.  So instead of flavoring with Torani syrups, like I do with the Fluff, I started mixing in a box of sugar free jello.  Finally, I chucked the whole damn box in and it basically turned out perfectly.

The first time I made it, I didn’t let the pie crust cool off appropriately and the filling kind of melted a bit.  Don’t do that.  Throw the crust in the fridge and let it cool off for as long as you can stand before filling it up.

At any rate, the pie hit the spot.  And by that, I mean I ate the whole. damn. pie.  That turned out to be my breakfast, lunch & dinner for the day.  I was like, “Son of a bitch.  I just ate a whole damn pie.  Welp, I’ll be seeing about 5 lbs on the scale in the morning.”  Except you know what happened?  I LOST TWO POUNDS OVER NIGHT BECAUSE THIS PIE IS A DAMN MIRACLE.

Thus the name, Miracle Pie.

Ingredients

For the crust:

  • 1 cup almond flour – use the super fine blanched stuff if you can find it, it turns out like a sugar cookie!
  • 1/3 cup erythritol
  • half a stick of butter

For the filling:

  • one block of cream cheese, softened
  • one package of sugar free jello (this was .3oz, 4 servings size)
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup sour cream

Directions

Preheat your oven to 350.

Microwave half a stick of butter for a few seconds to melt it.  Add almond flour and erythritol, mix together.

Don’t let your evil little kitten “help.”

Really, Lucifer?

Lube up a pie pan (I used Pam) and pat the mixture out into it.  Stab it repeatedly with a fork, or else it will adhere to the bottom of the pan, no matter how much oil you used.

Bake for about 10 minutes, or until the edges turn golden brown and it looks, well, done.

Anyway, while it’s baking, dump everything else into a bowl and whip until it forms stiff peaks.  Use whatever flavor of jello you like.  I’ve made strawberry, cherry, orange, raspberry… the options are limitless.  Or well, limited by what flavors of jello you can find.  I bet key lime pie and lemon would be really good, if you liked those flavors.  I don’t, so I haven’t tried it.  My favorites are the orange (dreamsicle!!) and strawberry.

Then take that glorious, luridly-colored filling and dump that shit into your pie crust.  Just dump it all in there.

Smooth it out with a butter knife or a spatula, whatever.

Voila!!!  Technically, your Miracle Pie is done at this point.  I ain’t even mad if you eat some of it (I do).  But it turns out even better if you let it set in the fridge for about an hour.  It gets denser and more delicious.

Now I hate having to add a disclaimer here, but it seems like I always get comments on how my calories and carbs and shit are off.  I have a very scientific approach to determining the nutritional values of my recipes:  I upload ingredients into MyFitnessPal and roll with it.  As you can tell, I used Neufchatel instead of full fat cream cheese, and my Kroger Natural sour cream has less carbs than most other sour creams I’ve found, etc etc.  So YMMV based on what exact ingredients you use.  Please do not feel like you need to reprimand me for “being irresponsible” (actual comment I deleted, cuz ain’t nobody got time for that) and “spreading false information.”  I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor, always double-check what you put into your own mouth, ok?

According to MFP, one serving done the way I make it 236 calories, 31 grams of fat, 6 grams of protein and 5 net carbs.  Not too hard to fit into your daily macros!

As always, if you enjoyed this recipe, would you pretty please consider liking my Facebook page?  You could also follow me on Instagram.  And I love comments here – let me know how you like a recipe, and/or how you tweak it to make it your own!

(As a disclaimer, the product links are linked to my Amazon Affiliate account.  I’ve never used this before but I’m going to give it a shot and see how well it works.  In theory, I should get a small kickback if you purchase the product through that link.  Product costs are not increased for you, just Amazon gives me a tiny percent of the profit for sending you their way.  Maybe I’ll get rich and can retire from this life of crime.)


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41 Comments

  1. Can’t wait to try this one. Temp off keto because of surgery – first time in 9 months but your blog and your peanut butter fat bombs are the best!!

  2. Hi-freaking-larious!!! Love your style. Just came across this in my Pinterest feed. Prob gonna make it tonight. Thanks for the laugh and the brutal honesty and lovely recipe. I’m a full time musician and chef on the side. Looks great to me, but I’ll Prob add vanilla as I am addicted to it ;)
    First recipe blog I actually read all of without skipping ahead to the recipe.

    1. Thank you so much! I strive to be authentic in my blogging voice, and to also not put too much bullshit in front of the recipe. I’m sure vanilla will be a delicious addition – let me know how it goes!

  3. Um, I think I love you. So, I typically don’t read the bullshit on Pinterest recipes bc I’m in a hurry (usually in the store trying to figure out a game plan) but I stopped and read your blog and not only does this look like my next experiment but you are the fucking bomb. I subscribed (I never subscribe to blogs, I’m antisocial) but I’d read your shit.

    Also, mad props to Shadow kitty! I have a Shadow too, but only because my vet wouldn’t let me put Ass Blaster on his paperwork…

    Can’t wait to see more posts from you!

    1. Thank you so much! Hope the pie turns out well for you.

      I bet lil Ass Blaster is absolutely adorable. Does your Shadow fart on you a lot? lol

  4. After my second attempt, this was pretty good. My heavy whipping cream was spoiled. I sliced a strawberry on top and was yummy. I would definitely make it again. Have you tried sugar free pudding instead of jello?

    1. Spoiled heavy cream?! EW, I bet that was awful!!! I hope it didn’t make you ill :(

      I haven’t tried the sugar free pudding instead. Sometimes I’ll make a box of it just to eat, but keep in mind it’s a lot more carby than the jello. If I wanted to make the pie more vanilla or chocolate-y, I think I’d add cocoa powder + sweetener, or vanilla + sweetener, or something like that. Torani syrups would also be a good way to get a non-fruity flavor.

  5. Wow, your vulgar language is over the top. Then I got completely grossed out when I saw the image of the can near the food. Wondered if the cat was on the kitchen counter or do you just eat off your floor? Either way hope your kitchen/floor is cleaner than your mouth.

    1. Oh no! I have seen the error of my ways! From this moment on, I will never cuss again, and I will get rid of my filthy cats.

    1. I wouldn’t, since the pudding definitely has more carbs. I’d just use cocoa powder + sweetener until you hit a happy level of chocolately goodness for you.

  6. FYI…I used to use/buy Neufchâtel (2 g. carb. in one oz.) instead of regular cream cheese but have discovered that Philadelphia brand full fat cream cheese has <1 carb in one oz., big difference and big carb savings! In any event, your recipe looks delish and I’m going to make it today, thanks!!!!!
    BTW…haters will hate…just ignore them.

    1. Thank you! I think they actually redid the Philadelphia full fat recently, now they’re advertising it as having just 5 ingredients and such. It’s definitely a lower carb option!

    1. This is probably too late to help you now, but in the future you could substitute yogurt if you have it instead, though it will definitely be higher carb. I’ve done that before. Not sure if there’s anything else that could successfully sub!

      1. I looked online and actually subbed it with coconut milk believe it or not. And I used lemon jello st of course. It came out DELICIOUS! I’m making it again with the sour cream to see what I missed, but it was quite wonderful with the coconut milk as well. Thanks so much for answering back :)

  7. Ya know, I don’t know why people like to complain about your swearing. I usually pin recipes on my Pinterest and never go back to the blog because…well, they’re boring, and they’re all the same I feel (look at me I’m a stay at home mom with kids and a boring life!) – but yours? I like yours. I feel at home reading your blog and recipes, and even went so far as to explore your blog beyond the recipes. I fucking love you, keep doing you boo and congrats on all your progress!

    1. Hey, thank you so much! I appreciate it. Sweet comments like this do wonders to perk me back up after getting horrible ones – seriously, thank you. I blog for my own fun, because I like to write and I’m absolutely up to my eyeballs in academic writing and professional writing between school/work, so this is definitely my real, casual voice coming through. It feels good to just be me sometimes, you know?

      Also, being a SAHM and having kids doesn’t mean you have to have a boring life. It can be exciting as you make it, so rock on!

  8. Question: because I am genuinely still confused about this aspect of keto… Do things labeled “sugar free”, such as the jello above still raise your blood sugar, thus defeating the purpose of it being a keto recipe? Because I’ve been avoiding things labeled sugar free like the plague! Also, LOVE your blog. I’m obviously new here, but here to stay! And keep cussing on, you do you. There’s always going to be a Judgemental Judy that doesn’t like it no matter what you do.

    1. I think that depends on the person. Some people have sensitivities to sweetener, others don’t. I don’t check my bloodsugar since I’m not diabetic… I don’t even own a meter… but when I eat something carby, I get cravings out the wazoo. Eating things with sweeteners don’t typically give me cravings, so I assume they’re not spiking my bloodsugar. YMMV — you probably won’t know unless you try!

      Thank you for the sweet comment :)

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