cauliflower tastes like ass
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Low Carb Broccoli Cheddar Miracle Rice Casserole

I hate cauliflower.

You may be aware of this, because the little decorative flag in the upper left hand portion of my website happily reads, “CAULIFLOWER TASTES LIKE ASS.”  I stand 100% firm behind this comment.  Sorry to those of you who like cauliflower (#sorrynotsorry), but I can’t stand it, no matter how it’s been cooked.  I’ve tried it in caulimash.  I’ve tried it steamed.  I’ve tried it boiled.  I’ve tried it raw.  I’ve tried it riced.  I’ve had it when other people have prepared it so it’s not just that I can’t make it properly.  Like, no matter how it’s prepared, I think it has the most godawful taste to it.

That’s okay.  I love cilantro and I’m well aware that about 50% of you hate it.  You can eat my cauliflower, and I’ll eat your cilantro.  We can still be friends.

Anyways, before I went keto, I ate a metric ton of rice weekly.  I loved Asian food with rice, fried or steamed.  I’m Southern so I ate a lot of red beans and rice, pinto beans and rice, lady peas and rice, white beans and rice… you get it, lots of rice.  I struggled for a long time to find a rice substitute on keto because frankly, I missed it, and because the typical riced cauliflower tasted — AHEM — like ass.

Enter Miracle Rice.

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Now, I’ve been eating shirataki noodles for some time.  I’d buy them in the tofu section at Kroger or Wal-Mart.  I never saw the need to shell out more $$ to buy Miracle Noodles on Amazon.  Then one day I was trying to figure out what fifth item to add to my Subscribe & Save so I’d get that sweet, sweet 15% discount… and I saw a variety pack of Miracle Noodles that included spaghetti, fettucini, and rice.  What the hell, I’d give it a shot.

To my surprise, I absolutely loved the Miracle Rice.

Now, Miracle Rice isn’t exactly like rice.  It doesn’t really absorb liquid like rice does.  So I can’t make dirty rice by dumping Miracle Rice into the crockpot of chicken thighs and expect it to soak up the fat, sadly.  But, in the words of one of my non-keto friends who sampled my casserole the other day, “Texture’s a little weird.  Tastes really good though.  Acceptable rice substitute.”

I’ll take it.


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Ingredients

  • Miracle Rice x2
  • 2T cream cheese
  • 4T Cheez Wiz
  • 2c steamed broccoli
  • 1/2c shredded cheddar cheese
  • optional:  seasoning to taste (I usually add a sprinkle of onion powder, and maybe some garlic powder)

Please note that, as a poor college student, I don’t generally shoot meals specifically for this blog.  I mean, I shoot them as I cook them to eat at that very moment.  So what you see above is a double batch of my casserole, as I typically make it.  I’ll eat a serving, and my husband will eat two, and then I’ll have a serving left to pack up for lunch the next day.  You can easily halve this recipe, using only one of the packages of Miracle Rice.

I also usually eat neufchatel cream cheese instead of full fat because I’m watching my calories, and the single carb difference is worth the trade off for me.


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Preparation

It is vital that you adequately prepare your Miracle Rice before cooking it.  A common complaint of shirataki noodles is that they “smell like fish” or “taste like fish.”  They do reek when you open the bag, but I’ve never actually tasted that horrific flavor because I prepare them properly.  This means that I rinse the hell out of them before ever getting them near the pan.  I dump both bags into a mesh colander, sit it in a bowl of water, and let the faucet run over it while I prepare the rest of my ingredients.  I typically dump the water from the bowl at least once, and let it continue to run.  Waste of water?  Maybe.  But I’ve never tasted fish, so there’s that.

While your noodles are rinsing, mix the Cheez Wiz and cream cheese in your pan as it is heating up.  As it gets hotter, your cheese concoction will begin to meld together happily.  I use a medium heat.


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Oh yeah, make sure your broccoli is thoroughly cooked, too.  I exclusively use steamer bags, so as this is all going on I throw my bag in the microwave and let ‘er rip.


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When it looks like that, dump your thoroughly rinsed Miracle Rice in.


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The Miracle Rice will sizzle some as the water dries off of it.  Stir it for a few minutes, incorporating the rice with the cheese sauce.  When the broccoli is done cooking and your rice is sufficiently cheesy, dump the broccoli in.


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Now, very carefully incorporate the broccoli.  This is a bigass skillet of broccoli cheddar goodness.  I almost always lose a floret or two at this point because I get too excited with my stirring.  Now you can sprinkle your shredded cheddar on top and mix that in, too.  I forgot to take a picture of that part but I trust that you can handle it without explicit photographic instruction.

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Nutrition

Each serving (4 with my double batch as pictured, 2 if you halve my recipe) clocks in at 125 calories, 7g of fat, 6g of protein, and 4g net carbs.  A pretty solid side dish!  And you can always increase the fat and calories if you’d like — sometimes I add more shredded cheddar at the end to make it extra cheesy, or sometimes I add a few tablespoons of butter in the cheese-melting part to increase the creaminess.  It’s really easy to adapt this recipe to fit your macros, and it’s always delicious!  As a caveat, I DO add copious amounts of salt after it’s dished up on my plate, because I don’t typically cook with salt… I use losalt at the table to help balance my electrolytes.  You’ll almost certainly need to salt it.

I hope this recipe is something you can add to your repertoire if you have been missing rice side dishes.  We like to especially pair it with fish, since baked fish is so light and this is a particularly hearty and filling side.


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As always, if you enjoyed this recipe, would you pretty please consider liking my Facebook page?  You could also follow me on Instagram.  And I love comments here – let me know how you like a recipe, and/or how you tweak it to make it your own!

(As a disclaimer, the product links are linked to my Amazon Affiliate account.  I’ve never used this before but I’m going to give it a shot and see how well it works.  In theory, I should get a small kickback if you purchase the product through that link.  Product costs are not increased for you, just Amazon gives me a tiny percent of the profit for sending you their way.  Maybe I’ll get rich and can retire from this life of crime.)


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3 comments

  1. I just bought some miracle rice. Thanks for this great recipe. I think I will use it to make some Spinach Rice with Greek seasonings. Thanks again. A great idea of yours!!!!!

  2. I love your posts.

I love comments, and read every last one. Talk to me!