It seems like, in most cases, it takes me about an hour to solve someone’s problem at work. This sucks. I’m just learning how to do this shit, and I’ve got trainers and coaches helping me, but there’s a very small amount of them assigned to my large training group. I find myself apologizing for the wait a lot, while agonizing that I’m never going to get help.
I must have really bad karma or something. Out of our whole group, I’ve gotten all of the crazies.
My second call ever had an old woman with a broken hip who fell while trying to reset the power. She was moaning in agony and gasping “oh god! oh god!” all over again. I heard a door open and dogs went crazy, while a man’s voice started yelling “shut up! shut up!” and she screamed for help.
I thought I was listening to a murder or a home invasion. (Spoiler alert: It was her “worthless” husband. And she didn’t even have our service; when I figured that out, I had to send her to call another company.)
I had another old woman who accidentally changed the channel from her favorite crime drama to QVC. She called, incredibly enraged, that us and “the government” were just “changing her show at random” and making her learn about mops. She threatened to drop our service before I figured out she’d accidentally changed the channel. Once I got her back on the right channel, she told me that “Even the Lord Jesus couldn’t have helped me more than you did.”
I think I should get that put on business cards.
And then to end the week on a positive note, I had an old ghetto drunk couple who were trying to hook up their new box and program their remotes. You can imagine how fun that was when they couldn’t coherently read the screen or hit buttons correctly. They kept me on speaker phone and yelled at each other constantly, and then whenever one would take over I would hear the other one ranting about me in the background, screaming obscenities.
So yeah. At least it’s entertaining, and I don’t take the obscenities personally. I was laughing at the drunks while trying to make sure they couldn’t detect that in my voice. This week ends my second week of training, and I wonder what other fucked up calls I’ll get before it’s over.